A New Year, A New You

Each new year brings with it the resolve to finally become a new you. We see it time and again and try all these different ways to improve ourselves in the new year. I love that we are creatures who continually seek to evolve and empower ourselves and improve our lives. It is one of the most remarkable aspects of our nature, one I am truly in love with. 

In reflection of this past year, I can see just how precisely I have evolved in myself, and I can see just how I have contributed in helping my community and society evolve as well. I am truly proud of this.
In this coming year, I strive to continue to evolve myself and my community, and to always share and spread the joy, happiness, and the feel good in all that I do. I hope that you will do the same, and I wish all the best for you and it is my deep hope that you also find joy, happiness, and love in everything this coming year. Don't forget to share these blessings with others and continue to share the feel good in your way too.

Happy New Year 2012!

-fggofstyle
"look good, feel good, in style""

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Androgyny Me

It has taken the greater fashion-sphere to take notice of something that I have always known and that is: its better on the other side, of the gender dress code, that is. With more "mainstream" males and females co-opting articles of clothing from each other and wearing them with their own style, it was bound to become de riguer (almost) for the masses to take note and follow.

I have always loved that, through fashion, you can come to express yourself and carve out a sartorial definition of yourself, no matter how you chart the course. If you want to wear a tailored suit head-to-toe, or a prim and pretty dress with matching accessories, its all good. As long as you stay within the lines? Um, no thanks. We all have to remember that fashion is an outlet, a creative process, used for express of the craft/art and of the individual. It allows us to pick and choose and carve out our own individual display by offering us the multitude of choice. For men nowadays to wear women's clothes shouldn't be outrageous or strange, or for women to do the same thing as sexy and defiant. It should be, I feel, natural and unexpectedly expected of anyone to choose any style of dress or any item of clothing from any gender closet to express who they are.

So what if Kanye wore a woman's shirt (er, blouse)? He saw the art in it and wanted to wear it. And rock it. So what if Janelle Monae wore a tuxedo to the Grammys?? She wore it with gusto and damned well showed all of us a thing or two about tailoring. So what if Blake Lively wore a super mini pair of shorts to the Chanel Resort show in Cannes? She was wearing Chanel!

We all have choices. Pick and choose your own, and wear them because it makes you feel good, and look good, in your very own, gender-you style.

-fggofstyle

It is not the Future, it is the Now!!:

Is Gender-Neutral Fashion The Future?: style file: daily fashion, party, and model news

Hello, Nice to Meet You Generation Y

The question of Generation Y, or, better known as the "Hipster Generation", has been turning around in my mind over and over again and I've come to realize that I know very little intimately about this generation that follows mine. I see these hipsters everywhere. Standing alone, gathered in groups, in their Minis and Priuses, riding their one speed bikes, drinking skinny lattes, wearing skinny jeans and vintage clothing...Hipsters, please stand up and introduce yourselves to me!

My generation, Gen X, brought to the cultural forefront many different things: rave culture, minimalism, RuPaul, MTV, the early beginnings of video games and home computers, Prepsters, the pop supremacy of U2, Madonna, and Michael Jackson, leggings, Neo Soul music, and double denim dressing.

What's going on with Generation Y? Ok, I must thank you for the skinny jeans movement (I'm a BIG fan) and the return of vintage clothing popularity (especially designer vintage), high/low dressing, and eco-conscious products and practices. But tell me what is up with the unkempt hair and grooming (beards, moustaches, and goatees, oh my!!!), sub-par social etiquette, vapid demeanor and disdain for society and the global culture? Why has your infinite style potential become so homogenized and common (plaid shirts, for example)?  What about the push for the contemporary and edgy and original?

Perhaps my own (limited) personal experience with hipsters has left me a bit sour on you, or I feel like you co-opted things that were original or new to my generation (prepsters, for instance), or I have just grossly generalized you to such an extent that I can't see the forest for the trees but what I do see is so much potential that its unfathomable. I don't want to see it get lost in the mire. I want it to come bursting forth and shower over the world. I sense the change in you, Generation Y, the change that a future brings. Please step up and bring it: the newness, the difference, the individuality. I'm doing my part. Other members of my generation are do their part as well.I know some of you are doing your share as well. I guess this is my summit, my "Geneva Convention" in my mind here, and its just time to meet and shake hands and know each other and welcome each party to the Dawn.

-fggofstyle

New Year, New Decade 2.0

During this time of year, fresh off the heels of New Year celebrations and revelry, everybody starts talking about the changes the intend to bring in with them and implement. These changes, or resolutions, most of the time get lost and forgotten within months. We get bombarded by the media by "resolution stories" to the point of annoyance (to me).

I don't make resolutions, I make choices of evolution.
I intend to continue to change the way I conduct my life on many levels. I intend to make change in how I serve the world and my community. I intend to further embrace my creativity and my commitment to it and its expansion. I intend to strengthen my business so that it evolves and grows exponentially. I intend to grow my personal relationships and always express my love and adoration to those who are dear to me. I intend to continue to explore the scenes around me and share my point of view of it with you. I intend to always have an open heart, an open mind, and open eyes so that I will always see the good surrounding me, feel the infinite good around me, and to do it with my own style.

-fggofstyle

Off to Market

Thinking about the places I shop, either frequently or infrequently, I notice that I go to these places out in the market because they resonate with my style. I have a very eclectic yet classic look. I don't buy too many trends, just ones that truly speak to my fashion heart and that can creatively express who I am. I have a shopping habit that was born out of the hyper 80's, where Consumerism reigned over everything. Now, with SO many consumer (or consumption) choices, shoppers can get lost in the sea of shops out there. Whether it be a brick-and-mortar store or an online haven, shoppers can't lose sight of what the focus is in the market: to get your dollars. But how do you give up your dollars and still keep yourself? You do it with style. I came across a memory that was poignant and indelible, and exactly about this.
It goes something like...

When I was fourteen years old, I literally stumbled upon a little store in downtown San Diego called GT General Store (or something of the like) where I found a pair of perfect white straight leg denim jeans by then uber-hot label Guess? Jeans. There was nothing wrong with them, in perfect condition, and only cost me $15. A friggin' steal! And it was well within my 14 year old allowance budget. I wanted to tell all my friends because I thought: "1. how cool! Guess? Jeans!! 2. oh my goodness, how awesome we could all match in our jeans! 3. NO! this is my secret, just for me. What if they get acid wash blue jeans in and then EVERYONE will get a pair and my size would be gone?! 4. oh no, I can't tell anyone that I got my jeans for $15! They'd think I were cheap! They can't know. 5. who's ever heard of GT General Store anyway, especially my baby yuppie friends? 6. they'd know I ventured to downtown and wonder why my parents would let me go down there by myself, or worse, my Mom actually took me there herself. 7. the store put my jeans in a plastic bag. Yes, definitely not something I'm telling anyone about. 8. eeew, there was actual sawdust on the floor. 9. i did get a bag of cinnamon bears by the bulk with my jeans so *score*! 10. General Store? Um, isn't that Old West? I'm definitely "New West"...so, this is gonna be MY secret.

I remember wearing those jeans to school and feeling all of those thoughts and a few more racing through my head. The most prevalent was how cool and great it was that I found a deal in the most unexpected place (and bulk cinnamon bears). A shopping seed was definitely planted. Now, this discovery took place in 1987 by a upper middle class ethnic baby yuppie kid from liberally conservative San Diego (that's a mouthful) who thought they were the crust and epicenter of all things fabulous, who's peer group resembled a gaggle of teens straight out of "Clueless" and "Heathers" (probably why I LOVE those movies because I see my young self in them), who, as I recall, would get dropped off at the mall (Fashion Valley) with our parents credit cards [(and permission note). oh goodness, if you remember having to use those then, touché!) and consume all things cool and anything befitting our (parents') economic stature (we ourselves didn't have any but we thought we did). In those early days, I was heavily influenced by luxury and designer retail. It was back then that I started collecting back issues of Vogue Magazine from my school's library, given to me by the librarian for my hard work and dedication to the school library (ok, I was in it for the Vogue) and began devouring the fashion knowledge found inside those hallowed pages. I kept a "fashion scrapbook" and cut out ads from the Sunday San Diego Union Tribune newspaper of ads for shops found in the mall or even better, in chic La Jolla. I aspired for myself to solely be a designer/luxury consumer. When I had my stumble and fall at GT General Store, I fell into a reality: fashion is about style, not about its substance.


When it comes to going shopping today, I am so thankful for having my consumer stumble and for not ignoring or burying it. I cannot imagine getting stuck in a buying rut, only patronizing one mall or one store to supply my look. In today's consumer market, there is an over saturation of choice, yes, but this saturation actually is about freedom. Freedom of choice, freedom of style, freedom of your wallet. How cool is it still to find that elusive bargain, or to discover that great vintage piece in the most unexpected place (online), or to find a dream designer piece at a clothes swap party, for free?
When it comes to shopping with your style, it should take you to as many places that it deems right within it. Whether you have a minimalist or an eclectic style, then you will go where that style dictates. You have to allow yourself to go to wherever your style leads you, no matter. If GT General Store were still open today, you can betcha bottom dollar I'd be frequenting that place. Whatever cool treasure I would find there, I'd happily mix it with any of my designer duds, to show it off in better light. And I would share my secret so you can have that feeling of style discovery too!

It is true, there is nothing like having that feeling of discovery.  And how good does that feel? It really is freedom. So go forth off to market and SHOP on!
-feelgoodguru

A "Valentine": Masculine vs. Feminine

The following was originally written in 2005 in my personal digital journal in response to a conversation I was having over dinner with a group of young like-minded professionals who lived in my apartment building at the time. It appeared in a different form in its original entry, directed more in regards to the wider spectrum of our conversation and with some direction aimed at persons at the dinner.  What came from the entry was a letter of heart to myself, and all of its stirrings. I have held on to it with the intention of revising it and writing is as a "valentine" to myself. I began reading it again recently and decided to "finish" it and set it with a new heart and a mind. What follows is that "valentine" in its true form...
Enjoy and, as always, Love One Another.
-feelgoodguru

Masculine vs Feminine (Remixed + Revisited)

I am naturally androgynous and EASILY blur the gender lines. And yes, that extends 2 my mannerisms and the way that I speak. I am effeminate. I am 500% natural about it. I have always been this way and can't even think of how I would be if I were outwardly masculine; it wouldn't suit me. My feminine nature is the pre-dominate one yet this does not mean that I do not have a masculine nature as well. I am a human being, which means I am a being of balance. My masculine nature is one I know just as well as my feminine nature; he is quiet, contemplative, and analytical where my feminine is outgoing, willfully strong, assertive. Together they are conscious, thoughtful, caring, and wise.

In a social context where butch/fem roles play their part, the question (not one I ask of myself but one asked of me) is where do I fit in? What does my peculiar nature dictate where I stand in the social context? It has been asked of me because of my dual-nature, does it make me a fem with butch characteristics or a butch who is outwardly fem? Transgender (another topic entirely)? Am I a “gay dinosaur”, an extinct representation of the gay community of yesterday? Am I social freak, one that lives on the outer edges of society, outcast from the central core of the context or in a rock musical fantasy?

Having a strong feminine nature, I know it to be natural that I am attracted to masculine men. This comes about for me as an act of balance, in direct contrast to me physically, emotionally, socially, etc.  It is not easy, especially currently where the socially acceptable way for a gay man to be is masculine/butch (affected or natural, face it men that is what our gay social structure is dictating to the population). I understand the desire to be with a masculine man in contrasting and comparative relationship pairings (because that is what I AM attracted to) and I understand the nature of an effeminate man (because that is what I AM). I feel that it is an inherent masculine/feminine balance that connects male homosexuals: the feel, look, shape, smell, etc of a man's body, his tactile and strong way of loving to his quiet yet deep way of emoting and how he nurtures himself and his world that is directly opposite to the female. Isn't that a bit of what defines us as homosexual men?
In direct contrast are our society’s negative feelings about feminine qualities in men. Could it just be that we have been, and continue to be, socialized to place a negative view on effeminacy? I think and feel this to be so. I think the male machismo kicks in and rises up this fear of a feminine man, saying that he is “less-than”, stating that he is not “man” enough. If it is so bad then why do women find the gay feminine archetype more acceptable! All of this negative socializing has to stop. We cannot continue to raise future generations with these beliefs. The more this happens, the more difficult it becomes for society to accept those that are different and, to ultimately, evolve into a higher consciousness, a better understanding of our collective Love.

In my experiences in the gay dating circle, I have received the instant shutdown because of my effeminate nature. I see many examples of gay male couples and they are comprised of both masculine/”butch” guys. I often wonder how that pairing works: where is the masculine/feminine balance (or is it opposing examples)? Since I am not seeing these distinct markers, I surmise that they must be in place, perhaps just hidden from my view...? In the collective dating pool, why then is there such a quickness to tear down any possibility of connecting with a feminine man (oh, how I loathe the "no femmes" tagline)? I feel this may have stemmed from our early socialization and the factors placed then in how the gay community has come to accept them and how they view themselves. Our queerness dictates that we are unique; why don't we celebrate it instead of feeding it with negativity? How can we be a community when we don't even want to commune with each other? If these are to be the few (and only) choices in the gay community, then I am choosing to be a member of another community, one where the understanding of Self is more evolved and rooted in Equal and Unconditional Love.

I hear each and every day something about my effeminate self (mostly positive) from people I know and from people I don’t (at times). These positive remarks remind me that I am being honest and true to my Self first, and who I really am in this world and in my self, reminding me of my worth and value. As a balance, I hear on rare occasion something not so positive about my effeminate nature. I have grown to not let these non-positive remarks affect me and instead let them build my strength and inner resolve to continue to just be myself more and more.

I have always been and always will be exactly who I am: Me. Beautiful, attractive, androgynous, effeminate Me. I don’t see this to change into something else ever. Nor do I want it to; I have come to know and truly Love who I am, cultivating a Love that exceeds my own physical limits in this body. It permeates into the stratosphere, granting a welcoming touch to all of us, no matter the difference. It celebrates our individual uniqueness and admires the diversity. In truth, I may appear different but I am the same as anyone else: Human.
 For the modern, evolved homosexual man that I choose to share my life with and whom I love, this understanding will be easy and clear. He will share the same qualities and ideas as I do. He will be a member of the Human community. Yes, he will be masculine in balance to my feminine but he and I will be the Same, we will be One.  And isn’t that what Love really is? Yes, I know it and believe it to be so.  This masculine, charming, loving man of mine, for you I am here and I can ensure this: you are in for a wonderful treat: Love.

-Elgin